Scatological Research

A DNA analysis of fossil feces found in a cave in Oregon indicates that humans lived in North America 14,340 years ago – “1,000 years before Clovis,” the previously known earliest inhabitants.

These “coprolites” yield valuable clues about diets that may have influenced the thinking and strategies of our nomadic ancestors.

Key officials in the current administration should immediately start “going in designated locations” to petrify their poop for posterity. Fifteen thousand years hence, this may provide the only clue to explain the thinking and strategies behind their delusive policies.